Helping A Friend

I have a friend who's struggling with same-sex attractions and wants help. What can I do?

Get the Right Help
First of all, know that the best thing you can do is just be there for them like you would for a friend going through any tough circumstance. You may not know a whole lot about this issue, but it's not like you could fix it for them if you did, anyway.

Help your friend find the right kind of help. Exodus ministries exist to guide and support people as they search for healing. You can search for a local Exodus Member Ministry. There is also a safe, online forum where your friend can find support and advice from people who understand. It's called Living Hope Ministries.

Encourage your friend to confide in a trustworthy Christian adult. If you think their parents will be able to understand and respond in a productive way, then that is ideal. Your pastor or youth pastor is also a good choice.

Make a Safe Place
Teens and adolescents are rarely comfortable enough to admit they deal with these issues. Regrettably, church is one of the places they feel least safe to open up about it. Young people are afraid of being looked down upon, rejected or punished.

Many church leaders are willing and desiring to offer compassion and help to people struggling with same-sex issues, but they just aren't sure how to make themselves available. Here's where you can come in!

If church is a place where we talk openly about homosexuality and the freedom that Christ offers everyone, it will go a long way in helping people feel safe to be honest. All it takes is someone brave enough to bring the subject up (which can be intimidating, we know). Here's a few suggestions on how to do it.

Ways to break the ice with your youth pastor and/or friends:
"Hey, I heard this interview on the radio with a guy who used to be gay, but he's found freedom in Christ. What do you think about that?"

"I found a website called Exodus with all these cool testimonies on it. Take a look!"

We've found that most Christians are ready and willing to minister grace and friendship in this area; they just need a little encouragement! Once the ice is broken and they see what God is doing, they will be much more comfortable with the issue.

Does your youth pastor have a copy of the Truth & Tolerance Youth Leader's Guide? If not, print one out or email it to him. It's FREE and ready for download.

I have friends at school who are gay, but they aren't Christians and don't want to change. I want to witness to them and tell them the truth, but I'm not sure how.

We hear from so many Christian teens and young adults who have befriended gay-identified people at school or work, and aren't sure how to minister to them. It's easy to get caught up in the whole issue of homosexuality, but remember that that issue is really secondary! Our first order of business with anyone who doesn't know Christ is to introduce them to the Savior.

Don't jump the gun in telling them you believe homosexuality is wrong; that really won't do any good. They may talk about "gay stuff" or relationships a lot in everyday conversation. Don't let it get to you. Just continue to build a relationship as you would with anyone who isn't a Christian. Treat them with respect and love.

When they find out you're a Christian, they will probably eventually ask you about your beliefs concerning homosexuality. When they do, feel free to be honest, but make it clear that it's not a barrier to your friendship, and it's not your goal to "change" them. Then, just let it go. Don't draw the conversation out. Show them by your attitude and behavior that even with your beliefs, you're able to demonstrate true tolerance.

However, they may really want to challenge your beliefs about homosexuality. This can be difficult, and it can seem like they want you to come out and say something offensive. Don't let yourself get pulled into an argument. You can stick to your values and be disarming at the same time. Here's a response we suggest:

Your friend:
"But don't you believe I'm an abomination or whatever?"

You:
"No, I don't believe you're an abomination. Look, as a Christian, the Bible is my final authority. I have faith in its teachings no matter what's popular in our society. We may disagree about this issue, but that's not a big deal to me. I like you and want to be your friend, and I'm committed to treating you with respect no matter what our differences are. If there's anything I want to convince you of, it's that God loves you and wants to have a relationship with you, and you can have that relationship through Jesus."

I have a friend who says they're a Christian and they're gay, too, and they believe God made them that way. What should I do?

There are a lot of people trying to convince Christians that the Bible doesn't say anything negative about homosexuality. This is simply not true, but unfortunately many who are struggling with same-sex attractions are seduced by this way of thinking. It is very tempting--after all, it relieves them of the burden of struggling with sin.

The Bible tells us to correct those who are brothers or sisters in Christ who have gone astray. But this isn't an excuse to judge or be disrespectful! We are still called to do everything with love and gentleness.

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Galatians 6:1 (NLT)

Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25 (NLT)

Remember that healing always happens in relationship. Avoid an attitude of pride or needing to "win" an argument. Reinforce yourself with the truth so that you may share it with them in love (there are articles to help you do that). Remember that you are defending the truth for their good.